Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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