I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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