sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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