Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
