y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
