Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
