its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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