Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
