guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
