oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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