Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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