so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
