Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
