Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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