So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
