he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
