You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
