I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
