and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
