that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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