My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize