After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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