girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
