Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
