she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
