I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize