Kiss
Puke
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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