just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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