So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
