lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
