The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
last night I used snow as a chaser
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
