he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
