Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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