I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
