I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize