all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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