Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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