It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
3 2 1 whiskey
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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