I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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