the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
