there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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