He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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