you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Help. Why am I so naked?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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