paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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