i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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