Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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