Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
