We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
