Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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