If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
