Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
