Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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