mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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