He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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