i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
