when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
