right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
