hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
