I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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