at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
