I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
