Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
time to smoke my breakfast
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Less talking, more tequila
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize