Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
