I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
