And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
