omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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