One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
