i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
