you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
