its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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