The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize