In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
