my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
