he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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