i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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