my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
