watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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