i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize