member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
