im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
