i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
