I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
