I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As shirtless as possible
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
