Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
