Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
