dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
