Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
