Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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