I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
