Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
