im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
