his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
