please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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