You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
