you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
