I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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