I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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