To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
