My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
