i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
