HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
