Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sext me about skeletons
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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